Carmageddon II: Carpocalypse Now

I'm driving a powerful car around a 3D cityscape, running down pedestrians and dueling five other people in some good old-fashioned car jousting. But it's 1998, and Grand Theft Auto III won't invent this genre for another three years - I'm playing Carmageddon II.

Count the polygons. You can, you really can.

3D graphics are still somewhat in their infancy at this time, and going back to this makes me realise just how quickly things came on in the years that followed. It is undeniably chunky, but the car models make up for their lack of geometry with some excellent deformation and destructability. Anyway, we are in the business of old games, and period graphics are part of the deal. What's more important is how does this game play?

The game starts and one of several Iron Maiden tracks plays at random. Engines rev, a countdown starts the race, and you're racing. Memories of how awesome this game was are in full force and I start racing around the course. The car steers like a boat and at first I can't get around the corners with any degree of speed, but soon I adapt a little and I'm away, making checkpoints until after a couple of minutes I run out of time and the game ends. I. . . . don't remember the game being this short.

Restarting, I start noticing the power-ups and remember the time bonuses you can collect. I'm scrambling to find them and keep up with the clock ticking down, until I notice that running down pedestrians is giving me bonus time...a lot of bonus time. This game is very messy in terms of mushing up pedestrians and relieving them of their troublesome limbs. There was a lot of "negative" publicity when it first appeared, of the kind that sells a lot of copies of a game. It doesn't register on my modern sensibilities.

Did nobody tell these people there was a death-race here today? You people should've read the memo.

I also notice that the computer cars are not driving around the track at all, they're just milling around running people over and smashing into each other. It's then that I remember...This is NOT a racing game, it's a car combat game. There is notionally a race to engage in, but I've never driven all the laps and finished it. I guess I could, but it is much easier and more fun to chase down your opponents and mess them up. The game gives you a map, lets you lock on to each opponent, and break them.

Combat is essentially limited to pushing your opponents into walls at as high a speed as you can manage. Low speed nudging does no damage to speak of, but a bit of a run up gives excellent results. There are a handful of hazards like mines to deal with or deal damage with, and a smattering of power-ups like speed boosts, mine-laying and. . . jumping. Which is odd. For the most part however you're taking part in a remarkably satisfying pushing contest, trying to push the enemy into walls or flip them over. . .

Pushed into a handily placed barrier my opponent has no choice but to depart the ground at great velocity.

This game is Robot Wars with cars. The computer players' cars have random spikes and occasional spinning-mushing devices, and this is series 2 of Robot Wars...in a free-roaming city full of secrets and power-ups and oh-my-god you can play over a LAN. I have never played this game multiplayer but I've literally just started a bucket-list with that as the first thing on it; I just need half a dozen Windows 98 machines. And half a dozen friends...hmm.

Final Rating:

I have a relatively simple rating system here. Since there are too many PC games to consider collecting them all, and only so much space on my shelf, all games fall into one of two categories that I refer to as "Good" and "Bad".

Carmageddon II is a Good game. It takes its place in alphabetical order on the shelf of games that I own. I especially liked the part where the cars get all smashed up because I am six years old.

You'll take my life but I'll take yours too You'll fire your musket but I'll run you through.